What story do you tell yourself? What core truth do you believe about yourself?

The story we hear ourselves tell ourselves originates in early childhood and is reinforced or rewarded throughout our upbringing. I’m going to suggest that these stories or truths generally fall into one of two categories.

One story people tell themselves can be titled, “I can do it.” This is the story of the pastor who fancies himself as fully capable to meet any and every challenge. Perhaps under the surface is a lot of insecurity, but he projects self-assurance, control, and competence. His parents expected excellence, performance, and achievement as the basis for love and acceptance. Worth was measured by grades and recognition, and there was enough talent and intelligence available to permit the child to succeed. So he grows up to be self-reliant. He doesn’t feel the need of help from others or from God, and has unbelievably high expectations for himself and those with whom he works.

The other story people tell themselves can be titled, “I can’t do it.” This is the story of the pastor who felt he never measured up, and still doesn’t. He often feels helpless and worthless. His parents wore him down with unceasing demands and unattainable goals. Love was conditioned on performance, but even the best of his accomplishments got little or no recognition. His faults were constantly pointed out and his fine points ignored. Consequently, he has little motivation to succeed, to risk failure and rejection, and to believe that God can use him for the advance of the gospel. 

All of us tend to believe one or the other of these core truths most of the time, and we may flip back and forth depending on the circumstances. Both stories are enemies to the pastor who hopes to serve God with joy for a lifetime. The first story fuels pride, and the second, shame. Both attitudes are at odds with the way the Holy Spirit works, by grace through faith. You can also see how the story of the Prodigal Son is illustrated by these two stories. “I can do it” is the core truth of the older brother who looks for love transactionally. “I can’t do it” is the core truth of the younger brother, who feels unworthy of love, avoids the father, and crawls home in shame. Both brothers end up missing the love of their father. Both stories demonstrate an orphan mentality rather than the mentality of an adopted son or daughter of God. Both are forms of unbelief and self-righteousness.

The cure for both stories is to live out of the gospel as a beloved, adopted son or daughter, in constant partnership with the Holy Spirit. The gospel teaches us to say, “I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength.” Ambition is a good thing; hubris is not. Humility is a good thing; self-contempt is not. The gospel gives us freedom to live confidently under the smile of a God who is favorably disposed to us at all times, even when we fail.