On Being a Whistleblower

There’s a story recorded twice in the OT about David taking a census of Israel. In one account it says God incited David to do it (2 Sam 24:1ff.), and in another place it says Satan incited David to do it (1 Chron 21:1ff.). I’ll leave it to the theologians to figure that one out. The fact remains, it was a sinful thing for David to do.

Why?

Rick Phillips of Philadelphia’s Tenth Presbyterian Church writes:

“…[this] sin was probably related to a problem with pride and self-reliance. A census was preliminary to a draft of soldiers and a levying of taxes. It seems, therefore, that David’s intent was to increase the royal power in a way that contrasted with humble reliance on God. As Deuteronomy 17 insists, the human kingship of Israel was to be noticeably dependent on God’s divine kingship. For Israel’s king to build up the same kind of power common to pagan kings was tantamount to repudiating God’s over-kingship. This seems to have been the nature of David’s sin so that God was angered and acted to nip it in the bud.”

https://www.tenth.org/resource-library/articles/why-was-davids-census-a-great-sin/

This was a serious sin on David’s part. Because of his action, God gave David a choice of three punishments: three years of famine, three months of being pursued by enemies, or three days of plague. David chose the third option, and the Lord punished Israel with a plague that killed 70,000 men.

David, like all human beings, was enamored with observable metrics instead of the Lord. The same temptation faces us in ministry. The big youth ministry…the big budget…the number of baptisms, converts, new churches, etc.–these are things we look to as measures of success. And they may be measures—but they are not in themselves success.

The thing that strikes me the most in this story is how Joab, David’s general, responded to David.

So the king said to Joab, the commander of the army, who was with him, “Go through all the tribes of Israel, from Dan to Beersheba, and number the people, that I may know the number of the people.” But Joab said to the king, “May the Lord your God add to the people a hundred times as many as they are, while the eyes of my lord the king still see it, but why does my lord the king delight in this thing?” But the king’s word prevailed against Joab and the commanders of the army. So Joab and the commanders of the army went out from the presence of the king to number the people of Israel.

2 Samuel 24:2-4, ESV

Two things we in ministry should take away from this story:

I.   If Joab were here, what “thing” would he say you delight in? What are your idols? What do you trust in rather than God?

II.  Would you have been bold enough to ask David “Why”?

This brings me to the subject of blowing the whistle. The church today needs whistleblowers.

I noticed in the Thesaurus that the word “whistleblower” has mostly negative connotations: blabbermouth, busybody, fink, informer, rumormonger, rat, nark, squealer, tattletale, troublemaker, bigmouth, snitch.

Maybe in some contexts being a whistleblower is a bad thing. But churches need people like Joab. Churches need whistleblowers.

I look back on my years as a pastor, and I remember times when I should have blown the whistle. I also remember times when I wish someone had blown the whistle on me.

Churches are notoriously guilty of the “runaway train” syndrome. Once an idea gets thrown out there, it gains steam, picks up speed, and sweeps up people, resources, and energy in its wake. But what if it was a bad idea to begin with, and it ends up hurting people, wasting resources, and taking the church backward instead of forward? There are people in leadership in every church whose motto is “ready, fire, aim” instead of “aim, ready, fire.” Often, they are the people with the loudest voice and the most persuasive rhetoric. It takes courage to be a Joab in those situations, but it’s needed.

So here’s what I encourage as a healthy Joab-like response when ideas are being discussed:

(1)  When an idea is presented, listen carefully and critically. Listen for inconsistencies, for idealism, for false premises and hidden assumptions.

(2)  Ask for the idea to be put in writing. Define words that can be taken different ways. Is the idea reasonable? Does it make sense? Is it “us” or some other church?

(3)  Ask “Why do we need to do this?” What problem are we trying to solve? Is it a problem that will go away on its own? Is it worth the cost of time, people, and money? Is it wise? Is now the time? Was it the impulse of one person or many? What sinful motivations may be at work in our hearts?

(4)  Consider the unintended consequences of the action. Who will be affected by the decision? Is it sustainable? Who will be the people responsible for keeping it going? Were they part of the decision?

(5)  Ask, “Are the elders/deacons/officers of the church behind the decision? Were they even consulted? Will they champion the decision or will we be on our own?”

(6)  Once an idea has been discussed and a decision made, sit on it for a while. Pray about it. Bring it back for a second reading. There’s no need to hurry. Often, an idea will fall apart or get refined after some time has elapsed.

(7)  Before implementing the decision, float it to those who will be most affected by it. Ask for their input. They may see things from a very different angle.

(8)  Be willing to reverse course and apologize if you find out you were misguided.

Beware: There are costs to being a whistleblower. You may not succeed. In the story we’re thinking about, David’s word prevailed over Joab. You may be considered insubordinate, uncooperative, negative, or adversarial. You may be passed over in the future. You may even be fired.

But God gave you a voice. In the Bible, God used whistleblowers (sometimes people of little power and means—Abigail comes to mind) to preserve the kingdom. He can use your voice to pull a church back from a cliff (i.e., plague) and bring blessing to many people. Be confident. Be bold. If you see something, say something.

Think WWJD – What would Joab do?

The One and the Many

Take a close look at the photo to the right. Look long and hard. Do you see anything unusual? Does anything stand out as a mistake? Big Bird might ask, “Is one of these things not like the others?”

This is a photo of one of the window shades in our living room. If you examined the picture carefully, you saw the little bent piece in the slat down on the lower right. I’m not sure how it happened, but that slat is broken. Maybe our cat climbed on the shade in hot pursuit of a lizard on the other side of the glass – he does this often – and broke that slat. Whatever the case, the slat needs to be replaced.

That small defect in the window shade affects your assessment of the whole thing, doesn’t it? It’s the James 2:10 principle: “For whoever keeps the whole law but fails in one point has become guilty of all of it.”

But actually I’m using this photo to illustrate something entirely different from James 2:10.

If you’re a pastor, don’t you often focus on the one slip-up and ignore the many good and impactful things you do for your people? Perhaps you mispronounced a proper name in your sermon; suddenly the whole sermon is a piece of trash. Perhaps you forgot to visit Miss Mary Lou in the hospital; suddenly you’re a loser when it comes to pastoral care. You focus on that one mistake and forget your many achievements and successes.

That window shade in my living room is really a very good window shade! It works fine! I can close the shade at night and open it in the morning. That’s really all I’m looking for in a window shade. It hardly matters at all that that little slat is broken. In fact, when I close the shade you can’t even see the defect.

We get that, don’t we? But when it comes to our ministry, we pastors tend to give no mercy to ourselves. A hundred people might tell us how powerfully the Sunday sermon hit the mark. It was convicting, say some; encouraging, say others. It was everything a sermon should be. It pointed people to Jesus. But if one person complains, suddenly we feel like jamming a stick in our eye.

I’ll wager that ninety percent or more of your church loves your church and thinks you’re a very good pastor. But what do you obsess about? The ten percent (or fewer) who complain! You stay awake at night wondering why the Smiths left your church for the church down the street while you fail to praise God for the overwhelming number of families who faithfully attend your church, give, and serve.

OK, maybe what I’m talking about is a by-product of genuine humility and compassion. You care deeply about your people’s spiritual formation. That’s why you labor over your sermons. You know what’s at stake. Mistakes bother you because you want to get it right. Truth matters. You dare not mislead your congregation. And the reason you obsess about the Smith family is that you love the Smith family. It breaks your heart to think they may join a church where the gospel is not proclaimed or love is not practiced.

Still, we in ministry need to learn to keep things in perspective. We are like that slat on my window shade: we are broken. As St. Paul puts it, we are jars of clay (2 Corinthians 4:7). This means we will make mistakes; we will forget to do things; we will lose our temper and oversleep and say the wrong thing and make bad decisions. We are not, and will never be, perfect. To think that we are capable of perfection is at best naïveté and at worst idolatry. Faithfulness must be our goal, not perfection.

So next time you forget to do something…

Next time you are criticized…

Next time you hear that someone is talking about leaving your church…

Next time you want to jam a stick in your eye…

Praise God that he has chosen YOU to be his person, in this place, for this congregation, at this time.

Do your best, and let God do the rest.

He Hears Your Voice

Psalm 116:1-2 say, “I love the Lord, because he has heard my voice and my pleas for mercy. Because he inclined his ear to me, therefore I will call on him as long as I live.”

The famous author Ernest Hemingway once said, “Most people never listen.” Well, I can’t speak for “most people,” but I for one am a work in progress when it comes to listening. Listening is so hard! When I’m talking with someone, I want to interject! I want to disagree! I want to offer a solution! Listening requires that I put my own thoughts aside for a while and tune in to the person speaking, to what he or she is feeling, saying, and even not saying. The goal is to understand instead of make a point or win an argument. Sadly, despite forty-five years of marriage, it seems I’ve only recently come to understand the healing power of listening to my wife. She is far more skilled at listening than I am.

God, on the other hand, is the preeminent Listener! The writer of Psalm 116 says, “God has heard my voice and my pleas for mercy.” The psalmist goes on to say, “[God] inclined his ear to me.” Of course, God doesn’t really have ears. As anyone who learned the Children’s Catechism knows, “God is a spirit, and has not a body like men.” The psalmist is putting something profound in simple, human terms: the Maker and Sustainer of the universe, as it were, stops everything to listen, attend to, and understand our situation. “His ears,” says David in Psalm 34, “are attentive to [our] cry.” When we pray, he doesn’t interrupt. He doesn’t condemn. He doesn’t give our prayers a grade. He listens, then acts. As the poet John A. Wallace put it, “There is an eye that never sleeps / Beneath the wing of the night; / There is an ear that never shuts / When sink the beams of light.”

I hope you’ve experienced the transforming power of pouring your heart out to someone safe, someone who loves you and really listens. It might have been a friend, counselor, mentor, spouse, parent, or sibling. These may fail you, but God will not. No matter your need or your mood, God hears you. As he listened to Hagar’s affliction in the wilderness (Genesis 16:11), so he listens to your prayers, spoken or groaned. And we know this to be true because he sent his Son Jesus! God’s ears are open to your cries because the hands and feet of Jesus were nailed to a cross. God has come to you in Christ so that you can go to him in prayer.

Pastor, boldly take your needs to the ears of your ever-listening God. 

Patience: The Way to Do Ministry

Christian ministry is hard. There are struggles, temptations, and challenges that are unique to pastors, missionaries, and other Christian workers. And we must respond to these situations in a godly way or else they will be our ruin.

One of the unique temptations we face, especially in these days when technology is ubiquitous, is impatience. We expect too much of ourselves. We want to be holy and obedient and loving and kind and skilled and pure…right now. We expect too much of others as well. The church, for example, has to be perfect. Church members expect their pastors to meet their every need and to know how to do everything. We pastors expect our congregations to respond enthusiastically to every sermon and every initiative. We even expect God to turn on a dime, to answer our prayers right away, to give us what we need when we want it.

The Bible, on the other hand, consistently promotes patience.

  • Psalm 40:1 – “I waited patiently for the Lord; he inclined to me and heard my cry.”
  • Psalm 130:5-6 – “I wait for the Lord, my soul waits, and in his word I hope; my soul waits for the Lord more than watchmen for the morning, more than watchmen for the morning.”
  • James 5:7-8 – “Be patient, therefore, brothers, until the coming of the Lord. See how the farmer waits for the precious fruit of the earth, being patient about it, until it receives the early and the late rains. You also, be patient. Establish [strengthen, NASB] your hearts, [stay steady and strong, MSG] for the coming of the Lord is at hand.”

Patience is the bearing of provocation, annoyance, misfortune, or pain without complaint, loss of temper, and irritation. It is the willingness to suppress restlessness or annoyance when confronted with delay. It is quiet, steady perseverance.

Patience is necessary for us in ministry because gospel ministry is meant to be slow and plodding. Like Eugene Peterson says, ministry is “a long obedience in the same direction.”

There have been two key times in my ministry life when I failed to “suppress restlessness” and as a result made some big mistakes. One was when I was a pastor in SC in the 1990s. I had been at this church for about seven years but was impatient for the church to become more open to change. Rather than hang in there, preach the Word, love people, build leaders, and be patient, I started looking around for greener grass. I soon left that church and wound up with bigger problems in a different church.

Unfortunately, even there in that new church I was in too big a hurry. Within the first six months I made significant changes to the worship service and pushed the elders to adopt a new vision statement. That congregation was neither ready for nor desirous of such massive change. In retrospect, I should have taken at least a year to even explore such changes.

Twenty years later, I’m now of a different mind. I believe that had I been more patient, I would have saved myself, my family, and those congregations a lot of pain. And who knows? The kingdom of God may have advanced a bit more quickly.

Here are some practical ways you can practice patience:

  1. Slow down.

Literally, slow down your pace. Drive more slowly. Allow more time to get places. Don’t plan things back to back. Put cushion into your schedule. Say no. Keep a “not to do” list. Ask people to help you. When it comes to your church or ministry, stretch out your vision. Take the long view. Instead of a one- or two- or five-year vision, talk with your leaders about a ten-year vision. Instead of thinking about the destination, look out the window and enjoy the ride. You will by-pass many good people and opportunities if you’re only looking at the goal posts.

  1. Choose your battles with care.

Some battles are worth fighting; others are not. Think about Paul in Philippians 1. While Paul was imprisoned in Rome some Christian workers were preaching Christ out of envy, rivalry, and selfish ambition. But Paul chose to rejoice because “in every way, whether in pretense or in truth, Christ is proclaimed.”

I have found the following battles are worth fighting:

  • Sin in the camp, especially among leadership
  • Staff insubordination
  • Bad hires
  • False teaching
  • Divisive church members
  • Efforts to take the church off mission

But many other battles are best left alone or left to God. Some battles you will not win and probably should not try to fight. If you don’t care for something your church is doing (such as a program), you can let it die a slow death on its own rather than call in the artillery.

Consultant and author André Bustanoby recommends answering these seven questions before engaging in battle:

  • Does the church have a history of driving pastors away?
  • Have your efforts to achieve peace in the past repeatedly failed?
  • Are your leaders prepared to pay the price of victory?
  • Is there a critical mass of support in the congregation?
  • Is the opposition willing to negotiate, or do they demand unconditional surrender?
  • How will fighting the battle affect your family?
  • Why fight? Is it to benefit your church and community or satisfy your personal need to win?
  1. Ignore the greener grass

It isn’t.

  1. Dial back your expectations.

Ambition is one thing; hubris is quite another. Excellence is wonderful to shoot for, but it often masks a sense of self-importance. It’s great to want to win the world to Christ. But maybe you should focus on your neighborhood. Aiming for the bleachers is a wonderful goal, but is it really necessary? What is “excellence” costing you—your health? Your marriage? Your friendships? Your joy? Your Sabbath? Your rest?

Remember the adage “Less is more.” Don’t expect perfection or completion this side of heaven. My wife is good about reminding me to shoot for a 7 or 8 instead of a 10. The prophet Jeremiah told his secretary Baruch, “Do you seek great things for yourself? Seek them not” (Jeremiah 45:5).

What explains the massive departure of clergy from their posts? Could it be that they entered the ministry expecting to be the next Tim Keller or Matt Chandler or fill-in-the-blank, but found out very quickly that it was a pipe dream? The internet has helped create a celebrity culture among Christian leaders that is killing the souls of many good men and women who truly love the Lord and want to be a blessing to God’s people but are not extraordinarily gifted.

What the church needs today are ordinary men and women patiently, faithfully keeping in step with the Spirit and fulfilling their callings, however great or small they be. We need more people who are “content to fill a little space, if God be glorified” (Anna Waring).

  1. Dial back your expectations of other people too.

Grant them the same mercy you give yourself. Forgive them when they disappoint you. Remember that they, like you, are sinners and need the grace of God. If God “knows your frame and remembers that you are dust” (Psalm 103:14), you should treat other people the same way.

The church is made up of people just like you. The church will not be purified and holy till we get home. Until then we will let each other down, sin against each other, and often, like Paul and Barnabas, decide to go our separate ways. Give the church grace. Be patient with her. If you must complain, do so kindly, and complain directly to the people who need to hear from you. Don’t spread bad reports about God’s chosen ones.

  1. Care for yourself.

Don’t take yourself so seriously. Have a day of rest. Honor the Sabbath. Waste some time. The sky is not falling. Your church or ministry will not fail if you take a personal day now and then. Have some activities and hobbies that renew your soul and bring you joy. Exercise. Enjoy nature. Go out with friends. Eat good food. Get counseling. Read books and listen to music. Do things just for the fun of it, and don’t feel ashamed.

As it says in James 5:11, “the Lord is compassionate and merciful.” Be compassionate and merciful with yourself.

Ten reminders for pastoral joy

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Seems like every week or so I speak with another discouraged, burned out pastor. If you’re one, here is a list of ten reminders I’ve compiled over the years that help keep me going. Reminding yourself of these things is a way to preach the gospel to yourself. I hope you’ll write them down and keep the list close by.

  1. I minister out of who I am, not who I wish I were or who others want me to be. I’ll be comfortable in my own skin.
  2. I’ll be kind to and patient with myself. I’m just a jar of clay.
  3. The world needs more people like me. It’s not that I’m perfect–far from it! But God has called, gifted, and anointed me to be his man in this place for this season.
  4. I’ll do what only I can do. Otherwise I’ll get involved in things to which God has not called me, that others can and should be doing.
  5. Home is my first church. If I fail anywhere, it won’t be with my family.
  6. It’s not all up to me. I am not the Messiah. I am not ultimately responsible and I am not in control.
  7. Everyone has a story. I’ll remember that next time I’m tempted to get impatient and aggravated at someone.
  8. God is for me. He is, this very moment, in my midst–rejoicing over me with gladness, quieting me by his love, and exulting over me with loud singing (Zephaniah 3:17).
  9. I won’t take myself too seriously. I’ll laugh, play, enjoy people, take my time, and be willing to fail without it devastating me.
  10. God is always at work. No matter what.

Guarding the church from emotionally unhealthy people

“Pay careful attention to yourselves and to all the flock in which the Holy Spirit has made you overseers, to care for the church of God, which he obtained with his own blood. I know that after my departure fierce wolves will come in among you, not sparing the flock…. Therefore be alert….” (Acts 20:28-31)

The further I get from pastoral ministry the more clearly I see some things I should have done better. One of those is being more careful about letting certain people control or manipulate me and set the agenda for the church. Instead of being on guard against them, confronting them, and protecting the body from them, I allowed them to cause me anxiety and stress. And worse, in the name of love and compassion, I actually failed to truly love these people and the congregations I was called to serve.

Paul is clear in the above text: You must be on your guard against “fierce wolves.” There are people in the body of Christ who are dangerous, who will hurt others (intentionally or not) and sabotage your ministry. The Bible says there are tares among the wheat. There are evil people in the midst of the church (e.g., Proverbs 5:1ff.). God warns us to “make no friendship with a man given to anger, nor go with a wrathful man, lest you learn his ways and entangle yourself in a snare” (Proverbs 22:24-25). Even Jesus, the most loving Person in the universe, “did not entrust himself to [people], because he knew all people and needed no one to bear witness about man, for he knew what was in man” (John 2:24-25).

Religion attracts imbalanced people. The gospel attracts the mentally ill and the emotionally unhealthy. The church attracts narcissistic and self-centered people. This shouldn’t surprise us because the good news is for broken, messed up people. We want these people to have the means of grace and meet Jesus. Jesus spent much of his time in ministry to these types of people. You and I are imbalanced too! That’s why Paul says to “pay careful attention to yourselves.” When we restore others we must “Keep watch on [ourselves], lest [we] too be tempted” (Galatians 6:1). So we are not immune from anything I’m addressing in this post. Nevertheless, we must not shrink from our responsibility to confront evil, maladjusted, off-balance, or otherwise unhealthy people when their bad attitudes, words, and behavior negatively impact the congregation. We must have more concern for the body as a whole than for indulging, protecting, and coddling these individuals.

In a moment I will describe six types of people to be on guard against. But first, four caveats:

  • Caveat #1: The proper names below were not selected because I’m thinking of particular people.
  • Caveat #2: The gender-specific names below aren’t meant to imply that men are more given to a problem than women or that women are more given to a problem than men. The problems I describe belong to both sexes.
  • Caveat #3: I offer these as generalizations only.
  • Caveat #4: All six of these proclivities operate in me all the time.

Herewith are six types of unhealthy people from whom we must guard the church:

1. Legalistic Louise – This person believes that there are certain RIGHT things (right, i.e., as defined by her) people must do in addition to following Christ, in order to be truly spiritual and loved by God.

In this group you will find…

  • homeschoolers, public schoolers, classical educators, and Christian schoolers
  • right wingers and left wingers
  • TR’s and Arminians
  • conspiracy theorists
  • dominion theologians
  • pro-lifers and pro-choices
  • flag wavers and Woke people
  • Trump lovers and Trump haters
  • people with a passion for a particular cause or ministry that everyone must be about

This person’s mantra is “You/We would be on the right track if only you/we did or believed _______.”

Legalistic Louise believes you can’t be a Christian and watch TV-MA shows or R-rated movies, listen to any music other than Z88, or read novels. She wants you to get behind campaigns to support Christian movies and doesn’t understand why you don’t like them. She likes to impose rules about personal devotions, family worship, etc. She likely opposes church debt, progressive outreach ideas, updated hymn tunes, Bible paraphrases, drums in the sanctuary, and creative efforts to contextualize the gospel.

2. Hyperspiritual Harry – This is Louise’s first cousin. For Hyperspiritual Harry, everything is a spiritual battle and it often involves politics.

Harry will approach you and say, “Pastor, you need to call the church to repentance and prayer….” or to some such spiritual campaign.

Harry’s mantra is something like, “We have to get prayer back in public schools.”

These people are unteachable. They can’t hear the other side. They are off balance. They don’t respect the field of psychology. They want an American flag in the sanctuary. They believe Satan is behind every bad thing that happens. Many of them carry a Bible filled with underlining and highlights but they scream at their kids and can’t get along with their spouse and no one on their street likes or respects them. They believe that sickness is probably due to sin. Many Hyperspiritual Harrys believe that God promises health, wealth, and prosperity to those who have sufficient faith.

3. Hasty Hermione – She will tell you, “The church must do this NOW.” Everything is urgent to Hasty Hermione. Everything is an emergency. If we don’t act, things are going to fall apart.

Her mantra is, “The sky is falling, and pastor, you need to do something about it.”

Hermione doesn’t see it, but haste is actually one of the great enemies of the church. The sky is never falling. God is sovereign and is always at work accomplishing his purposes. We need to trust his hand and not rush or make hasty, impulsive decisions. Invariably, people get hurt from impulsivity.

“Wait on the Lord” must be our mantra. That doesn’t imply passivity or inactivity. But it implies that God is bigger than our challenges and is quite adept at managing his world without our help.

4. Bossy Bobby – This person wants to be in control. He resents that you are over him in the Lord and will make your leadership difficult.

Bobby’s mantra is, “Why, if I were you, here’s what I would do. I’d do what we did in my company. Come on, pastor, it’s not rocket science.”

These people are used to being in power. Perhaps they are the CEO of a company, the boss of others. They crave attention and don’t like following. They want their way, and if they don’t get their way they’ll cut back on their giving or withhold it entirely. And though they expect you to give in to their demands, they may not even be members of the church. When a Christian refuses to take membership vows, you know something’s not right.

5. Whiney Wendy – Nothing is ever right or good enough for this person.

Wendy’s mantra is, “I wish things were like they used to be.”

For Whiney Wendy, something’s always deficient about your church. Either…

  • the website is not up to par or it’s too fancy
  • the service is too liturgical or not liturgical enough
  • the sermon has too many stories or not enough stories
  • the staff is too big or too small
  • the Sunday bulletin is too wordy or not expansive enough
  • the greet-one-another time is too long, too short, or non-existent

She will remind you that you didn’t visit so-and-so in the hospital. She will wonder why “no one from the church” (and she means you) called so-and-so when he was ill. She will complain about how unfriendly your church is. But interestingly, no one likes her or thinks she’s very friendly.

Beware: This person will often pit one pastor against another or draw a following to create ill will against you.

6. Cheap Grace Charlie – This person lacks commitment to worship, fellowship, and mission. He’s always talking about our freedom in Christ but when you probe a little you find he doesn’t feel compelled to give or to serve. He may show up for church or he may not. He says he does whatever the Spirit moves him to do.

Charlie’s mantra is, “God loves us unconditionally, just the way we are.” He talks a lot about justification (a precious, precious doctrine) but never talks about sanctification (also a precious, precious doctrine).

When you call the congregation to something like a building campaign or a service project or a higher level of consecration, Charlie will spread dissension by telling his small group that God loves us whether we do such things or not (which is true) and that “law” is Old Testament, not New (which is untrue).

*******

What do all these people have in common? They lack submission. Ultimately they do not love.

Submission problems are love problems.

One of the vows members take in my Presbyterian denomination is to submit to the government and discipline of the church and promise to study its purity and peace. To “study” means to strive after, devote oneself to, cultivate, and apply oneself to.

God calls his people to love the church, to pursue unity and peace, and to submit to their church leaders. Hebrews 13:17 says, “Obey your leaders and submit to them, for they are keeping watch over your souls, as those who will have to give an account.”

What should you do with people like the ones described above?

  • Build a strong elder board. Let your elders take the heat and share the burden. They are partners in the shepherding business. Don’t expose yourself by tackling difficult people by yourself. Instead, bring elders into discussions with difficult or dangerous people. Don’t put yourself in the crosshairs.
  • Recruit a team of mature, godly women who will fight with and for you. In my ministry I have always tried to bring wise, bold women alongside me as I dealt with difficult people. If you’re in a denomination that ordains women, these women will be key members of your Session, diaconate, or elder board. If your church does not ordain women, you need to deploy a cadre of wise women who love you and love the church enough to help you confront agitators.
  • Carefully organize and monitor the officer nominating and training process. Be extremely watchful about who winds up getting ordained as officers. They need more than theological vetting. They should also be evaluated for mental, emotional, and spiritual health. See Peter Scazzero’s book, The Emotionally Healthy Church, for ways to do this.
  • Confront the difficult people. For practical tips on how to do this, see Chapter 8 (“Tell the Truth”) of my book, Surviving Ministry: How to Weather the Storms of Church Leadership.
  • If you tend to avoid confrontation, get counseling. Develop skills in peacemaking and conflict management.
  • Even if you’re not good at it, push through your fear. Do the right thing. 1 Timothy 1:20 says that Paul “handed Hymenaeus and Alexander over to Satan that they may learn not to blaspheme.” In 1 Timothy 1:3, Paul instructed Timothy to “charge certain persons not to teach any different doctrine nor to devote themselves to myths and endless genealogies which promote speculations rather than the stewardship from God that is by faith….”
  • Refer unhealthy people to professionals and urge them to get counseling and/or medical care. Counselors and psychiatrists are trained to treat these people long-term. You have neither the training nor the time to get overly involved with unhealthy people.

Thoughts on Pastoral Leadership during Crisis

I’ve been amazed by the response of churches in and around my community to COVID-19. Pastors quickly devised online strategies for worship, fellowship, service, and mission. Churches are communicating, comforting, and connecting through online sermons, Zoom meetings, and other means.

John Piper once famously said, “Don’t waste your cancer” and he wrote a book about it. It’s important for us who are in Christian ministry to not waste this virus. I don’t mean that flippantly, of course. What I mean is, we need to reflect upon the current crisis as pastors, missionaries, and ministry leaders. What is the pandemic teaching us about pastoral leadership? What are we learning that will help us now and the next time a crisis arrives on our doorstep (and it will)?

In my own ministry there have been crises similar to the COVID-19 pandemic in terms of their negative impact. 9-11 of course comes to mind. I had been a pastor in Orlando, Florida, for just a month when that happened. But other things I’ve experienced include…

  • Hurricanes – it’s Florida after all
  • Suicides – I’ve had to deal with three or four as well as one attempt
  • Untimely deaths – I’m thinking of a father of three boys who was killed while riding his bike and a deacon who had a heart attack & died while I was administering the Lord’s Supper
  • Election seasons – the one ahead of us is going to be a real slugfest
  • Shocking events during the worship service – a man keeled over from a heart attack while I was preaching one time (hopefully not due to my sermon!); you can count on all sorts of unpredictable things happening during worship services, like protests outside the building, mentally ill people causing a disturbance, suspicious people who look like shooters, etc. These things are unsettling.
  • Key staff transitions – when a staff member is fired or decides to leave, it can take months or even years for people to heal
  • National tragedies – assassinations, stock market crashes, natural disasters, etc. all take their toll

Times like these can and should be our finest hour. We in ministry have a unique and solemn opportunity: to speak for God’s people and to God’s people.

Speaking for God’s people means to be the voice of their emotions, confusion, fear, doubt, and worry while communicating a sense of calm. We must expose and express our emotions, thereby giving our people permission to feel and express their emotions. There will be no healing without the acceptance and expression of feelings. Too many of us are out of touch with our own emotions and are uncomfortable crying, being sad, or expressing outrage. We must get in touch with our emotions and let these things out, otherwise there’s no empathy. We must be willing to express strong emotions, to weep, to show righteous anger, to grieve. But at the same time—and this is not easy to do—we must try to maintain a calmness and composure that will help people feel confident in our leadership. We can fall apart privately, but not publicly.

To be the voice of a congregation in times of crisis means to speak in the first person plural in our sermons and communications: “We are sad… We are angry… We are in distress… We are feeling isolated.” When people hear us affirm these things, they know we are one with them and they are able to vent their own feelings to God and to each other.

Speaking to God’s people involves picking up on a central biblical theme and reminding people of what they already know: God knows. God understands. God is in control. God has suffered too. God is with you. God will make things right. While simple concepts, these are the truths that will carry believers through times of trial. I suggest we take a break from our regular sermon series and preach on a Scripture passage that captures one or more of these truths. Keep to the simple gospel story.

However, speaking to God’s people does not mean doing a bunch of talking. It’s important to stop, be quiet, and let people have time and space to process what is happening. It’s tempting in times of crisis to think that our role is to teach principles, to fill up the air space with truth content and not leave people alone. No. Let’s not try to be Jesus. Let’s let Jesus be Jesus. Let’s allow our people to go through pain; don’t protect or distract them from it. It’s in their suffering that they will meet Jesus.

I would suggest, during a season of trial like the one we are currently in, that it’s good and right to slow down the programming of the church, to bring certain things to a stop, and to give people more time with their families, friends, and neighbors. We are not the Messiah. Our people will be OK. Let’s keep our messages basic and simple, and spend our time praying more and talking less.

Also, we should speak to God’s people without using formulaic, scripted, clichéd, easy answers. You may disagree, but the midst of a crisis is not the time to tell someone, “God is good all the time; all the time God is good.” Or, “All things work together for good….” Are these things true? Yes. But are they helpful? I don’t think so. Silence is probably better. We in ministry need to be OK with ambiguity, with not knowing why God does what he does. We need to be quiet and not feel we must justify God, explain God, or get him off the hook. I have found that it’s almost always better to just offer my presence to people who are suffering, either without words or with simple acknowledgments like “I know. God knows. God understands. God cares. I love you. Your church loves you. We will walk with you through this.”

Finally, during a crisis it’s really important to “touch” our people as often as possible. I don’t mean physically (although appropriate physical touch is a powerful way to love). I mean to make personal contact via phone calls, texts, notes, and messages with as many people as possible, as frequently as possible. And not just while the crisis is going on. The crisis will continue to rumble through our churches and ministries for weeks, months, and even years. So we ought to keep a spreadsheet of everyone in the congregation or ministry and figure out ways to reach out to them for a long time. Some individuals will obviously require more “touches” than others. We can recruit others to help with this. Elders and deacons should serve as caregivers along with us and other staff members. As we model caregiving, we will encourage the congregation to care for one another so that our churches become hospitals for the weak and weary, the sick and sore.

 

Sometimes, Less Is More

 

peaceful-scene-jordan-hillI attended a heated meeting of homeowners in my community a few nights ago. It seems that our community golf course is closing and a developer wants to build 304 new homes on it. There are all sorts of problems with this, as was made clear by a couple dozen angry homeowners who spoke at the microphone. I agreed with everything they said. But if I’d had the gumption to approach the mic and speak my mind, this is what I would have said to support my community:

Sometimes, less is more.

Less homebuilding means more green space. More undamaged beauty. More available land for a park and hiking trails. More wildlife. More safety. Better education for kids whose schools are already at capacity. All good things. Really good things.

After the meeting I started thinking that less is sometimes more for the Church, too.

Many church leaders think that more is better. To borrow from Daft Punk, they define success as “bigger, better, faster, stronger.” I know what I’m talking about because I used to think that way. I was a pastor for 33 years before retiring and taking a part-time job in a seminary. For many of those 33 years my goal was to grow my church numerically. Outgrow our facility and build a new sanctuary. Add more staff. Increase the budget. Reach more unchurched people. Those aren’t bad things, of course, but in my case they were means to an end: my validation as a pastor.

I know there are better men than me out there whose hearts aren’t as self-centered and insecure as mine. When they think of growing the church, they really do want to glorify God and help more people find Jesus. But I fear that a lot of pastors are like me, looking for self-validation. A growing church means we’re doing a good job, our sermons are hitting the mark, and God is favoring our ministry. Not necessarily. Churches grow for a lot of reasons, not all of them godly.

It’s a risky move, but what would it look like for a pastor to adopt the philosophy that less is sometimes more? I think it would mean the following:

  • He would spend more relaxed time with people. Getting to know them. Enjoying them. Listening deeply to their challenges, concerns, and questions. Getting to know his neighbors. Inviting people into his home and enjoying food and conversation.
  • He would simply be in less of a hurry. He would slow his step and linger with people instead of checking his watch and looking over their shoulders at others who want his time. He would be available and accessible.
  • He would operate out of a state of rest. He would take a real day off each week. He would not live in a continual state of panic about the next big thing, the next sermon, the next elders meeting, or the budget deficit.
  • He would take time to introduce change. He would give due honor to the practices and rhythms that were established before he showed up on the scene. He would listen to others’ opinions and earn trust and respect before implementing his own ideas.
  • He would be grateful that anyone at all wants to be in his church. He would repent of his restless appetite for more new people to walk through the doors on Sunday morning, as though the people already in the pews don’t matter as much.
  • He would support church planting and, if possible, plant a new church. This is because small, new churches make disciples better than big churches. In small churches people know each other, remember each other’s names, and get involved. In big churches people are more likely to be disconnected, anonymous, lonely, and invisible.
  • He would relish the privilege of knowing–really knowing–his sheep, and shepherding them through all the passages of life from the cradle to the grave.
  • He would not feel guilty or inferior or worthless when, at conferences and pastors’ meetings and on YouTube, pastors of big churches get all the attention and applause. Instead, because he is God’s beloved son he would (as Eric Liddell said about running) feel God’s pleasure just being who he is.
  • He would be a man of prayer. Not just talk about prayer and preach about prayer, but really pray.
  • And he would remember that his first and most important “congregation” is living inside the walls of his home.

The Church has taken too many sips of the Kool-Aid of the American Dream. America rewards the spectacular and despises the ordinary. Jesus, on the other hand, rewarded the cup of cold water offered to a child, the mustard seed of faith, the widow’s two copper coins, the five loaves and two fish. He hung out with marginalized people. Out of all his followers Jesus invested the bulk of his time in just twelve men. Of those twelve, three were his special focus. And just one of them was said to be the disciple whom Jesus loved.

Jesus lived by the philosophy that sometimes–maybe most of the time–less is more.

Here’s what I’ve learned: People need pastors. Curators of the soul who have the time, vulnerability, training, and experience to walk with them through life and show them the way. Pastors who aren’t in a hurry and aren’t preoccupied with bodies, bucks, and buildings.

What do you think: Can we reassess the metrics normally used to gauge success in the Church? Can we ministers of the gospel slow down, shepherd our people, and celebrate the “more” that we can have when we try to do less?

Sixteen Restorative Practices for Pastors

come-unto-me-and-i-will-give-you-restHere are sixteen practices that will restore your energy if done consistently. Even if you can start with a few of them, you will be taking better care of yourself. And if you want to be any good for those you lead, you need to be good to yourself. I’ve adapted some of these from J. R. Briggs’ book, entitled simply Fail. It’s a great read.

  1. Secure a mentor, coach or spiritual director. Someone with experience who listens well, cares about you, and can shoot straight with you.
  2. Attend a small group you do not lead.
  3. Visit with a trusted Christian counselor.
  4. Connect regularly with other pastors/Christian leaders who are safe.
  5. Develop friendships with people who see you as a person first and as a pastor/chaplain/missionary second.
  6. Develop a prayer team with whom you can vent and be truly honest.
  7. Stop reading how-to ministry books. Invest your time reading theology, church history, and biographies of faithful Christians. Be sure to read Eugene Peterson and Henri Nouwen.
  8. Journal—and be raw, blunt, and honest.
  9. Talk with your church leaders about what success and failure look like. Make sure you see success the same way.
  10. Avoid conferences that promote Christian celebrities and events that highlight ministry success but will only bring you under bondage and make you envious and anxious.
  11. Be the first to repent and admit weakness.
  12. Practice Sabbath. Disconnect and be refreshed. Learn to work from rest.
  13. Participate in life-giving activities. “It is more important for leaders to focus on energy management than time management.” Do things that replenish your energy.
  14. Get out of your ZIP Code on a regular basis.
  15. Exercise and eat well. “Clergy today have significantly worse health than the average American.”
  16. Listen to your spouse. He or she is the best source of wise counsel you have.

The medicine ball of shame

shame

 

 

 

 

This morning I did something really stupid. I overturned an entire Yeti tumbler of Diet Coke on our family room carpet. And immediately I heard the voices of my parents…

“Idiot!”

“What’d you do that for?”

“THINK!!”

“You jerk, you should be more careful!”

“Just move–get out of the way, I’ll clean it up myself.”

Yep, those were words I often heard as a kid. And look, I’m not a kid anymore; I’m 65 years old. My parents are dead. But those wounding words echoed in my head this morning as I rushed to get towels and wipe up the mess I’d made.

It was quite a revelation, hearing those voices again. And it made me think: No wonder! No wonder I feel ashamed and incompetent so often. No wonder, when I make a mistake or feel that I underperformed, I beat myself to a pulp. No wonder I feel intimidated by older, powerful people.

My parents did not hit me (well, Dad did once). But they shamed me. A lot. Shame was the sharpest tool in their parenting kit. And to this day I haven’t been able to shake it. I know God loves me. I have friends who love me. I often get affirmation and praise. But shame, like a 100-lb. medicine ball, weighs me down and keeps me from running with joy and abandon.

Here’s what shame feels like:

  • Hating yourself
  • Second-guessing your decisions and opinions
  • Feeling you’re never enough
  • Being skeptical of compliments
  • Apologizing for things that aren’t your fault
  • Taking responsibility for others’ comfort and happiness
  • Refusing to forgive yourself
  • Regretting the past
  • Doubting the love and grace of God

You’ve just read a description of my medicine ball.

Remember my first sentence?– “This morning I did something really stupid.” There’s that voice again. But come on. Is spilling a Diet Coke “really stupid”? It was just an accident. It’s not a big deal. But when I was growing up, spilling things was a big deal. So was not perfectly mowing the lawn, slouching in my chair, having acne, stating my opinion, or talking about sex. During my childhood I learned that such things are not just unfortunate or inadvisable, but shameful. Bad.

Chuck DeGroat, in his book Toughest People to Love, says that we all drag a long, invisible bag behind us. As we grow up, we put things in that bag that we don’t want the world to see, things that our family, friends, or culture think are unacceptable. I remember the night I disagreed with my mother. I said she was crazy. You would have thought that I had just blasphemed the Holy Spirit. “Michael!” my dad shouted. He shamed me for voicing a counter opinion and (jokingly) calling my own mother crazy. That night something happened. I decided I was bad for thinking for myself. I felt ashamed for daring to disagree with an authority figure. So I pulled out my invisible bag and stuffed my bold dare into it. Throughout my childhood and into my teen years, I stuffed a lot of things into that bag. And it really wasn’t until my late 40s or early 50s that I began to reveal parts of my hidden self to other people.

While it hurts to revisit my past like this, it gives me understanding. It helps me understand why I do the things I do and feel the things I feel. And it helps me understand other people too. Because they are carrying around medicine balls of their own. Everybody has wounds no one else sees and hears voices no one else hears. Everybody drags a bag. Shame has dogged us ever since Adam and Eve hid in the Garden of Eden.

To battle shame we have to believe the other Voice. We have to believe the Word that says, “Fear not, for I have redeemed you; I have called you by name, you are mine. There is therefore now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus. See what kind of love the Father has given to us, that we should be called children of God; and so we are.” (Isaiah 43:1, Romans 8:1, 1 John 3:1).

That’s the Voice of love. Listen to it, over and over again, and let go of the medicine ball of shame.